Final week, I flew to Massachusetts to go to my 94-year grandmother within the hospital.
Let me let you know about this wonderful girl.
Barbara, Auntie B, or Gramma to us grandkids, was born in 1930 to first-generation Newfoundlanders.
(No marvel I like the music of Alan Doyle (and Great Big Sea), it’s in my DNA!)
Gramma was a preschool instructor for 22 years and has been an lively member in her group for her complete life. She was a heck of a quilter and helped launch a number of quilting initiatives over time. She volunteered on the Council on Growing older. She usually drove for Meals on Wheels too, “delivering meals to the outdated individuals” (as she known as it), which she did effectively into her 80s!
Throughout previous visits to Massachusetts, I’d swing by Gramma’s for a day, habitually checking my telephone, usually distracted with some unimportant work thought that occupied my mind. I believe having recognized her my complete life, I simply had this thought “Gramma has at all times been right here, and Gramma will at all times be right here.”
Thankfully, I stumbled upon an historical Japanese idea that helped me acknowledge and course right this sample. It allowed all of my latest visits with Gramma to be decidedly totally different.
Ichi-go Ichi-e 一期一会
There’s an idea relationship again to Japanese tea ceremonies within the 1600s known as ichi-go ichi-e:
This interprets to: “one time, one assembly.”
It’s a reminder for us to treasure and embrace every unrepeatable second in time. Regardless of how usually we do one thing or see any person, it’s the solely time that it’s going to actually occur this manner, in this second.
This idea can remind us to be extra current.
- As an alternative of checking our telephones, we will deal with the particular person or activity in entrance of us.
- As an alternative of worrying about tomorrow or zoning out, we could be right here now.
- As an alternative of going by means of the motions, we could be a bit extra deliberate with our conduct.
I’ve mirrored loads on Japanese Zen philosophy over the previous few years (see my essay about Wabi-Sabi), and this idea of ichi-go ichi-e has caught with me too.
Which brings me to my journeys to go to Gramma this summer season.
I ended worrying in regards to the future or ruminating on the previous, put my telephone down, and simply sat together with her.
I handled every go to as if it was the solely time that I’d get to have that interplay.
I requested her questions on her childhood. I discovered that she spent just a few summers dwelling in a tent with no working water or electrical energy, whereas her father constructed their residence along with his personal two arms. And the way a lot she beloved it.
She instructed me about her teenage years, together with the time she snuck out of the home and acquired caught, and needed to sit on the foot of her dad and mom mattress till the solar got here up.
I discovered extra about my grandfather. She even shared photographs of her wedding ceremony that I had by no means seen earlier than:
She additionally discovered some photographs of me and her from means again within the day!
This one was my favourite:
I returned to Nashville final month, uncertain when (or if) I’d get to see her once more.
It nonetheless felt totally different. I had linked with Gramma extra deeply in just a few visits than I in all probability had prior to now 10 years mixed.
Which brings me to this previous week on the hospital.
Gramma’s Group
Final week, my brother and I drove as much as go to Gramma within the hospital every day.
And every day, a revolving door of company would present as much as examine on her:
Her nieces and nephews. My uncle and father. My sister and mom (who simply had surgical procedure!). Her grandkids. The son of her greatest pal. Her pal Anne. Associates from the Council of Growing older. Fellow quilters. Individuals from her church.
At one level, there have been 10 of us visiting on the similar time, and it became an absolute social gathering.
I used to be in awe of this girl and what number of lives she has impacted.
If there’s a transparent signal of a life effectively lived, it’s being surrounded by individuals who love you. Gramma has been selfless for a lot of her life, and I used to be amazed and impressed at how many individuals dropped all the pieces to return and spend time together with her, swapping tales and holding her firm.
Regardless of the circumstances, she nonetheless has an amazing humorousness too:
The primary time she opened her eyes and noticed me, she smiled and mentioned, “I remembered one other story!” She then instructed me in regards to the time she “borrowed” a automobile, although she didn’t have a license but, to drive by means of the streets of Boston to trace down her boyfriend.
Whereas speaking on the telephone together with her 94 12 months outdated brother in legislation, she requested “how are ya, you outdated geezer?”
When the physician requested “are you feeling higher as we speak?” she replied “higher than WHAT!”
Spending time with Gramma and all the individuals from totally different components of her life felt like the absolute best use of my time. I’m in love with the group she has round her, and I’m always moved to tears by the love that so many individuals have for her.
This level was pushed additional residence by my Gramma’s hospital “neighbor”…
Dwell Intentionally
The hospital during which my Gramma is staying is true subsequent to Walden Pond, the very pond made well-known by Henry David Thoreau in his ebook Walden.
At some point, after visiting Gramma, I took a quiet stroll round its perimeter, watching the sunshine of the setting solar dancing by means of the timber.
(The Japanese have a phrase for this too, it’s known as “komorebi”.)
I then learn the signal with Thoreau’s most well-known reflection:
“I went to the woods as a result of I wanted to dwell intentionally, to entrance solely the important information of life, and see if I couldn’t study what it needed to educate, and never, once I got here to die, uncover that I had not lived.”
Thoreau retreated to solitude to find what was most vital to him.
Gramma went the opposite course, prioritizing what’s most vital to her: household, buddies, and group.
Two totally different eventualities, the identical finish end result:
Selecting to dwell intentionally.
I don’t have plans on shifting into the woods and dwelling merely, however I do assume I’ve executed my greatest to dwell extra intentionally these previous few years.
Particularly, re-prioritizing what’s most vital to me too: buddies, household, and group.
All We have now to Determine…
Just a few years in the past, Gramma introduced my brother, sister, and I with three of her favourite handmade quilts.
“I used to be going to have these given to you grandkids after I handed away, however I need to give them to you now in order that we will get pleasure from this second collectively.”
She took the time to clarify the that means behind every quilt and why they have been chosen for every of us. I’m so grateful she did this, slightly than ready to listen to about these lovely quilts after she handed.
Once I visited Gramma this summer season, I found that she had printed my essay about my grandfather, her husband, who had passed away. I hoped I made Grampy proud, however I noticed I by no means acquired to inform him simply how a lot I discovered from him earlier than he died.
For that cause, I’m penning this essay now to verify she is aware of simply how a lot she taught me. I’m so pleased with my Gramma and I’m appreciative for having the chance to study from her for 40 years (and counting!).
(I acquired a textual content from my father yesterday letting me know that he learn this draft to her within the hospital and he or she beloved it. Mission achieved!)
I actually hope Gramma will get higher and is ready to get again residence. In spite of everything, she instructed her pal Laurie “I’m not executed but!”
However I additionally know that this isn’t as much as us to determine.
As Gandalf tells Frodo in The Fellowship of the Ring:
“All now we have to determine is what to do with the time that’s given us.”
I hope my Gramma and Thoreau can encourage you to dwell extra intentionally:
- When you’re keen to place your telephone down and be current with the individuals in entrance of you, life can really feel a lot extra wealthy.
- When you’re keen to prioritize what’s truly vital as a substitute of the stuff that tries to steal your consideration, you’ll by no means go fallacious with the alternatives you make.
- If you could find a option to deal with the vital individuals in your life, they’ll nonetheless be part of it while you’re 94.
And eventually bear in mind, it doesn’t matter what you do as we speak, that is the one time this second will occur.
Act accordingly.
-Steve
PS: If you would like a thought-provoking movie about being current and Ichi-Go Ichi-E, I extremely suggest Wim Wenders’s Perfect Days.
